Just Bored!

Hello blog reader!!!! How are you? I'm pretty fantastic!!! Besides the fact that all my friends are at youth camp this week and I've been bored out of my mind.....I'm just peachy!!! All day long, I've been doing puzzles with my little brother, Brandon. Little brothers are pretty cool! They're not all emotional like girls are and they just don't care!! He just goes with the flow and tells me I'm his favorite sister all day long!!! Yea I love him like crazy!!! My sister left for her Missionette retreat today, so even though I've had the little bro, things have been rather boring. Ya see, unlike your typical group of siblings...Sydney, Brandon, and I NEVER fight!!! We love each other so much, and when one of us isn't around our little circle of love just isn't complete!!! I can't wait till she comes home!!! I can't wait till everybody comes home for that matter! I miss Matt, Emily, Jared, Robyn, Andy....just everybody!!! Church last night seemed so empty!!! (Pastor Rick....if you're reading this, Frankie did an excellent job!!! Very inspiring!!) Even though we were few last night, the spirit of God still fell! It was awesome! I love my youth group!!

"Cause you had a bad day..."

Do you ever have those days where nothing seems to be going right? Ya know, those days where you just want to go back to bed and hope you wake up only to figure out your "bad day" was just a dream? Or what about this....do you ever have those days that start out on the wrong foot, then seem to brighten up a little and then...."Nope!!"....this day sucks!!! Well, I guess I said all that to say....I've definitely had one of those days today!! On Monday, I hurt my ankle at cheerleading and it just hasn't seemed like it's getting any better. So...my mom decided that if it wasn't better by this morning she would take me to the doctor. Well this morning, first of all, I woke up at 4 freakin 30 and naturally couldn't get back to sleep! So I just laid there counting the ridges in my ceiling until I finally fell asleep again, only to be woken up by my crazy little brother at about 9:30. So as soon as I decided that sleep was no longer an option, I went into my moms room only for her to take one look at my swollen ankle and pick up the phone to call the doctor. For those of you who don't know....I hate going to ANY kind of doctor!!! (Ironically, I want to be one when I "grow up!" Ha!)
First of all, they make you sit in their over-crowded waiting rooms for 3 hours, and I swear they only do it to freak you out!! (Especially at the dentists office....the sound of the drill still haunts me!!!) Then once they get you good and scared, they call you back there to invade your personal space and give you a doctors note that has to be taken to a freakin hieroglyphics expert to be interpreted! For real...with all those years of school they put in, you'd think they could write legibly! Man!
Ok, now that I've gotten of track! Lol anyway....so my mom drug me all the way out to skyline medical center, after telling her that it was just a sprain and there was no reason to even go. Oh yea! Did I mention that my doctor was on vacation? Ha! Yea, he was on vacation....as they always are when you really need them!! Well due to his "absence," I had to see his nurse. So she x-rayed my ankle, and comes back into the room only to tell me...."Honey, you have a really bad sprain!!" I looked at my mom and the spirit of "I told ya so" came all over me!! I tried to tell her!! Whatever....now I'm in this very stylish boot for two whole weeks!!! Yay me!! It'll last for about three days!
So after that I went home and got ready for church. So you might be thinking, "This day doesn't sound too bad!" Well, I thought it was getting better. That was until I got home from church!! I won't go into detail, but for all of you who have a truth box on your Myspace page or for those of you who actually write in peoples truth boxes on their Myspace pages.....I know it's called a TRUTH box, but keep in mind whatever it is that you say, whether it's anonymous or not, can really hurt someones feelings. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" That saying is SO NOT TRUE!!! Words can hurt worse than anything!! There's no need to start rumors that are COMPLETELY FALSE!!! If you feel that you can say something in a truth box, I think you should be able to say it to that person's face. Anyways, that's my soapbox for the day!!! Just be careful...words hurt!!! So do rumors for that matter!!! Well it's pretty late! I'm going to bed!!! Peace!!

Lovin Life!

Hola amigos!! What's up?? I hope everyone is having the time of their lives this summer!! Let me just tell ya....I just got back from my very last cheerleading camp EVER and nothings getting me down now!!! I never have to go back to that awful place again!!! Yay for FINALLY being a senior!!! My summer, so far, has been pretty busy, but now that cheerleading camp is over, it's going to slow down quite a bit. This week I've been helping out with VBS at church and I'm loving it!! I've been helping my mom in the craft room and it's been so much fun! I love those kids! Lets see...what else...oh yea! I'm taking my ACT this Saturday...and I'm so nervous! I never get nervous about tests, but this one is a little different. I'm scared for my future as a college student! Lol oh well I'm sure it will all turn out alright...it always does! Anyways, I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I would come give you some details on life at the moment. It's AMAZING!!! =)))

Too Tired to Fight!

So my blog is titled, "Wanna know what I'm thinking??" When I sit down to blog I don't think I ever really say exactly what I'm thinking. I might say something I've THOUGHT about, but it's never really what I'm THINKING. I'm just giving you fair warning.....in this blog I'm about to tell you what I'm really thinking!!! It might even sound like I'm venting a little or that I'm mad about something. Truth is, I am. I'm mad at myself! I'm mad at myself for letting it go this far!! I'm tired! I'm tired of being broken and I'm tired of crying useless tears! I'm tired of being hung-up and I'm tired of thinking about it all!! I'm tired of going through all the "what-ifs" or the "how-comes!" I'm ready to move on, but at the same time I don't want to let go!! I know that now YOU'RE probably thinking..."What the heck is she talking about?!?" To be honest...I don't even know!! I guess I'm talking about life in general!! People, including myself, make me so mad! I mean is it just in our genetic make-up to hold onto meaningless things, that in the end, are so not worth all of our time!! I don't know what it is!! I lay in my bed at night and I'll think to myself..."Brittney, why do you let yourself go through this? Why do you constantly set yourself up for heartache? Why can't you just wake up tomorrow and decide to be over it all and simply LET IT GO!!!" It's like my head says one thing and my heart says another. My head always has the logical answer. The "just be over it" answer. But like the phrase goes...easier said than done!! My heart always says to hold on. No matter what I do, or who I talk to, or the countless prayers I've prayed, I just can't seem to find an answer!! I'm so very broken!!! In past blogs I know I've said things like..."No matter what your problem is, God is BIGGER!!" or "Just hold on." I guess it's hard to take your own advice, because I could sit and say that stuff to myself all day long, but in the end I still hurt, and I still can't move on. I want to be free from this, but I can't just let it be what it is!! I'm tired of being tired!! I'm tired of having to live my life as if everything is alright. "Just put on a smile Brittney, and no one will know how you really feel!" I'm fighting a battle within myself, and as of right now I feel like I'm losing!!!

When Can I Just Be Me??

Life is CRAZY!!!! Sometimes I don't have time to breathe, let alone sit down and blog!!! Ha!! Maybe I need to try and learn to better prioritize my time or something! I have just been super busy the past couple weeks! Between cheerleading practice everyday, fine arts, prom, homework, work, and all the other facts of life, I just haven't been able to find time to sit down and share whats been on my heart. I'll get to that in a minute though!! First I just thought I would give you a little update on whats been going on!! Fine Arts was last weekend and I could not be more proud of how well everyone did!!! Even though some of us procrastinators waited till the week before hand to get everything together, we did awesome!!! Prom was also that Friday night, and I had an awesome time!! It was so much fun!!! Cheerleading is just as crazy and annoying as its ever been!!! Somehow I seem to love it though. Haha! Umm...schools going pretty good...although I'm very very ready for summer!! Well I guess thats about all thats been going on. Lol

So lately with everything going on I can't help but feel that I'm never good enough. Not just to everyone else, but especially to myself. I think one thing I've learned about myself is that I'm my toughest critic. In everything that I ever do I always walk away thinking about how I could've done it better. I just never seem to be satisfied with anything!! It's a flaw! I don't know, maybe I'm stupid to even think that way, because I know there are talents that God has blessed me with. It's just I'm so critical of everything I do!! I realize that people watch me, and I guess I want to live up to their expectations of what a "perfect little pastors daughter" should really be. I kinda feel like I live my life on display, and every step I take is being watched. I'm tired of having to be good enough!! When can I just be me???

Long Time No See!!

Hey everybody!!! Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days! I've been super super busy...as always! Well lets see...what can I tell you? This past week I went to Chattanooga with my FBLA chapter at school. We went to a big leadership conference/competition and I had a blast!! I competed in the Computer Applications event and out of more than 20 people came in 9th place. Not great, but hey it was my first year!!

I've gotta say though, I'm so used to going on these over night trips with my youth group or my close friends in my youth group and being there with some of the people I was with made me realize that there is a cruel world out there that is attacking todays young people!! It's such a big difference when you're so used to going to these conferences where everyone is a Christian and you're all there to fellowship and be in God's presence together!! I was sitting in some of the leadership meetings waiting for the speaker to open and close in prayer and when they didn't I kind of had to pinch myself and realize that outside of my church bubble there is a whole other world!!! A world that is lost and desperately searching to be found! It made me realize that we're running out of time!! We're the ones who can "find" these people we call our friends!!! Ya know the friends that we know are hurting and the friends we know that are lost, but we continually walk by them day by day just hoping that they'll somehow figure it out on there own! No!! We're running out of time!!! We're the ones that can introduce to them the greatest friend they will ever have!! We're running out of time!! We're the ones that can help show them that there's another way out!! There's another place you can find true happiness!! We are running out of time!!! So I ask....how much more time are you willing to waste? There's not much left!!!

Not There Yet!

Do you ever feel like you're so close to something, but at the same time you know you're so very far away? I think this thought enters my mind at least once a day. Somehow in everything I do this feeling seems to relate to everything thats going on! For instance, a simple one would be these dumb coupon books I have to sell!! I've sold 18!!! Yay me, but I have to get to 40!! Kill me now!! Or how about a more serious one....moving out and being on my own. With senior year sneaking up on me, that day I once thought would never come, is closer than ever!! But still....I have so much to learn and so much I still have to get through before it finally happens!! I won't go into detail but there's a certain situation I've dealt with for a while now that, at times, seems like it might finally come to an end....but then of course it doesn't! With everyday that passes, I have come to the realization that I'm growing up and turning into my own person. It's hard!! It's scary!!! It makes me feel sick! I'm so ready to be on my own and make my own decisions, but at the same time I know I have a long way to go before I have that freedom!!! Man I hate being a teenager!!!

Britt